Penetrating conversation is the ultimate turn on. Our mouths and words are meant to stimulate, heal and pleasure each other. If you missed the historic evening called, “Ask a Tantrika” here are the Highlights:
Four thought leaders shared a panel to explore the naked truth about human sexuality and what is an open relationship. The open minded San Diego Community asked bold questions on any subject, No holds barred. The intention was to challenge social assumptions and shake up standard belief systems, while expressing as much vulnerability as possible.
Meet the Panel:
Ran Baron is the visionary for Ask a Tantrika, and his lover Viraja Prema played the gorgeous MC for the evening. Kamala Devi is the poster child for Polyamory, her girlfriend Roxanne DePalma played the naughty yogini, while her boyfriend Daniel shared a scientific perspective that was so pure it is inseparable from spirituality. (Scroll to bottom for more info about each speaker.)
Some of Bold questions that were asked:
What does it mean to be Tantric and poly?
Does Tantra promote polyamory?
What is it about no ejaculation?
Do Tantrikas eat meat?
Why is Tantra seen as such a dangerous path?
What does vegitarianism have to do with Tantra or Poly?
Do Tantra and polyamorous people have sex all the time?
Is there a hidden unspoken war between Tantrikas and Poly people?!
How can relating to a multi-armed god help my relationship with my beloved?
What is an open relationship?
Kamala Devi’s personal Highlight: It is so empowering to walk into a full house of friends and count 7 lovers in the room, including 3 of them on the panel. This is the kind of raw, candid, fun event I don’t just want to teach, I would like to attend as well because I learned so much. My first highlight was having my sexy girlfriend, Roxanne, show up wearing a T-shirt that reads: “I am between lovers” and sit down between me and her boyfriend of 2 years: Daniel. I felt so out and proud to talk about sharing love and sex with these extraordinary teachers and speakers. And the juicy details were really entertaining. We seduced the crowd with juicy details of exactly how we practice everything from sex magic to rape fantasies to clarifying what is an open relationship. Here is the most raw and real moment of event:
From the time you knew that you wanted to pursue polyamory to when you had your first poly relationship, what did that time look like, how did you get from point A to point B?–Rachel from Los Angeles
After Roxanne told the story of how when she was 18 she read the word “polyamory” and believed it was for her, but her mother said if she was bisexual she had to chose one gender or the other. She went on to describe how it took her over 15 years of serial monogamy before she came into relationship with Daniel and Kamala Devi. (This story is acted out beautifully in a puppet show on www.TantraTheater.TV or go directly to YouTube and view it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5vZjHyhdG0
Daniel went on to answer this question by inquiring into the standard definition of love. Daniel had grown up in a house where his parents didn’t buy into the standard narrative of marriage and as an overweight child he read lots of books on Tantra before he ever touched a woman. He began to question love at an early age. He found that most what most people call love is actually just a strategy to get their needs met. When someone needs to be their sole source of pleasure, intimacy, romance they may not love that person, but Need them.
Pardon the paraphrase, but here is what I believe to be one of the greatest teachings on Love by Daniel. “What does it mean when I say I love you? First, it means that I see you… I see your irreplaceable uniqueness: there has never been nor will there ever be another one like you… And to witness you as you are in this moment, I must not want something from you, because then I would see everything you do and say for how it affects me. So I really only see me, and you become a commodity. That is not what love means to me. So I seek to see you for you—the unique expression of life that you are—independent of me. I seek to know you as you are, that I may love you as that.
Next, it means that I want for you. Everything beautiful and enriching…everything positive that you want for yourself… I delight in your happiness and celebrate everything that brings you joy! Do I always succeed at loving like this? No, I fail often…and want something from you, think I know you already, try to change you…. I just no longer call that love.
Afterwards, Ran Baron spoke of his 13 years in an ashram where he was mostly celibate and what a stretch it was to be monogamous let alone poly. When he came out of the monastic life, he has the experience of loving everyone so deeply, he could not just love one person. Since he traveled so much and met different lovers in different places, he took on the title: Solo-Poly which he first heard in Tristan Toriminos book: Opening Up. But over time, since he met Viraja, his experience and expression of love has been evolving.
When prodded by other panelists to expand on how he defines his relationship now, he said he was in process and uncomfortable to speak about it on the spot. Many people in the audience felt this was a highlight because it showed how difficult it is to take the indescribable infinite experience of love and label it with a category…Even teachers of love can be overwhelmed, tender and uncertain in relationship.
My answer is that I was practicing polyamory 15 years ago, before I ever heard the word. For about 6 months, my girlfriend allowed me to simultaneously date a man who I eventually moved to Hawaii with and it wasn’t until I was living with his girlfriend that I went to a potluck and heard the word polyamory. Now My relationship has evolved to be more like a village, with my husband Michael, son and about a dozen lovers who all love each other!
Feedback from Audience:
It was more than I expected without expectation. It was more than the world has prepared for, without anything to prepare. What you all represent to me, is natural instinct with high cognition to secure the animalistic impulses in the most loving and sacred way. Each of you last night gave me a sense of complete acceptance over my entire being. –Chandra McAtee
Personally speaking, the most valuable insight was being able to reframe “sacred” sexuality and sex “magick” in terms that were less metaphysical, but still very powerful and personally relevant. Choosing to see my partner as a once-in-a-lifetime unique and beautiful woman that is gracing this planet for a limited amount of time and actively choosing to spend that time with me, gives me a sense of awe and gratitude that easily translates into “sacred” and spills over into all aspects of my relationship.–Ben Hoshour http://saivatantra.com
More info about the Panel. Professional Bios:
Roxanne DePalama – Yoga instructor, bodyworker, animal rights activist, raw and vegan food enthusiast who is Transcending non-duality through pole dancing, polyamory, and sex positive activities.
Daniel is a scientist, philosopher, and social visionary. His life’s work is the application of the scientific method to social design for accelerating global evolution. He is the founder and director of a global strategy think tank working on new governance models for coordinating and optimizing positive endeavors across all sectors. He is an evolutionary thinker with a diverse background in interdisciplinary science, complex systems management, psychology and personal development, human health and wellness, and strategic design and optimization.
Ran Baron is a Tantric Daka, a spiritual seeker and public speaker in the fields of theology, eastern philosophy, and mysticism. Having ventured through various spiritual paths himself, Baron was ordained as a Hindu priest (Brahmana), certified as a Yoga and Tai Chi instructor, and has been studying and practicing Buddhism, Zen, Hinduism and Yoga in many of its different flavors since the age of 14. Baron has instructed numerous meditation workshops and yoga retreats and has given hundreds of talks and lectures about the nature of spirituality and self inquiry. He continues to share his unique view and vast experience in his talks. Baron’s teachings emphasize a non-dogmatic approach that allows for personal growth through an honest thirst for truth. www.RanBaron.com
Viraja Prema is a Holistic Health Practitioner, PhD candidate, Tantrica, Love & Intimacy Coach, Public Speaker, Emcee, Singer and founding member of the Tantra Theater Troupe. She is passionate about living life to the fullest and supporting others around her to do so as well. www.
We feel we successfully answered many in-depth questions about love, sex, and what is an open relationship.
Seeking Support: This event was videotaped but we need a video volunteer to edit it, so if you live in San Diego and want to see it streaming online, let us know. KaliDas(at) KamalaDevi.com
If you’d like to join Kamala Devi and the San Diego polyamory family for a fun weekend retreat to explore firsthand how they do polyamory, check out Poly Palooza: Top 10 reasons to go to a 4-day festival for free lovers! or go to Poly Palooza: The Weekend Festival for Free Lovers.
- Kamala Devi Teaches Self Inquiry Meditation and Enlightenment Technique at Tantra Talk
- Tantra Sutras: Kamala Devi Writes on Love, Sex, Tantra, Polyamory, Motherhood and Open Marriage