“Give me 5 minutes in the closet with anyone and I’ll tell you if they’re poly” –Tahl Gruer.

Kamala Devi's Pod at MuirNever assume. The most responsible way to find out if someone is “poly” is to ask. Communication, after all, is the key to healthy open relationships. So if your curious, just ask. Polyamory dating is controversial and not everyone who manages multiple relationships self-identifies as polyamorous. Wouldn’t life be easier if we all had Polydar. What is Polydar? Well, I’m glad you asked.

What is Polydar?


“POLYDAR” N. the intuitive gift of observing someones non verbal behavior and determining their capacity to conduct honest multiple loving relationships.

Let it be known around the universe that “Polydar” is a conjugation of the words “Polyamory” and “Radar.” Much like Gaydar or Spiderman’s “Spidy” sense, the new term is used to refer to the intuitive gift of detecting someone’s inclination or capacity to be in multiple loving relationships with the consent of everyone involved.

Other illustrations of “Polydar” used in context:

  1. My Polydar went off as soon as that triad walked through the door.
  2. I know she’s married but my Polydar tells me there’s something more going on.
  3. Whenever I go to a Cuddle PartyTM it really puts a wrench in my polydar.
  4. My lover Tahl has an overzealous Polydar and thinks everyone is poly.
  5. My polydar is spot on and I can sniff a poly person from ten paces away.

Let’s popularize it. Polyamory is a growing lifestyle which has its own vocabulary. Help us spread the word by using it with friends and family and re-tweeting this post. (I first posted this word on Twitter, April 19th, 2012.) I am sending it to Wikipedia and after it gets published twice we can also submit it to the written dictionaries. (And if this word comes up on your screen with a little red line under it, please edit your spell check and add it to your dictionary!)

Kamala Devi

Leave a comment and let us know what you think and/or how you might use polydar in a sentence.

By Kamala Devi, Sex and Relationship Author and Coach who is appearing in Docu-series Polyamory: Married and Dating at 11pm on Showtime July Summer 2012


If you’d like to join Kamala Devi and the San Diego polyamory family for a fun weekend retreat to explore firsthand how they do polyamory, check out Poly Palooza: Top 10 reasons to go to a 4-day festival for free lovers! or go to Poly Palooza: The Weekend Festival for Free Lovers.

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