Polyamory Pearls is a collection of multidimensional seeds of truth from my unique poly perspective, which will continue to shift beyond its print date. I do not claim to speak for the entire emerging subculture of non-monogamous lovers. In fact, my style of relating is an extreme deviation from the norm. For over a decade, I have maintained an intimate circle of lovers who all know and love each other.

Polyamory is obviously not the only path. My husband is a swing- er. I have a girlfriend that calls herself fluid. And a whole host of post-conventional lovers who prefer not to use labels. Our unique sex-positive community happens to mix spirituality, kink, gender-bending, tantra, and other queer geekery. My polyamorous peers have criticized my portrayal of polyamory in the media as being overly sex-focused.

The camera has also brought into frame important social questions about diversity and inclusion. As a cisgender, able-bodied, middle-class, 40-year-old, Latina woman of Jewish descent, I have particular biases and privileges that are valuable to disclaim. By expressing my deepest personal experiences I hope to touch something universal. I apologize to any readers who do not recognize themselves in this book and may feel marginalized by my choice of words or our art.

My collaborating cartoonist is an 80-something, heterosexual Japanese man who is presumably monogamous, and was challenged by my off-color sense of humor. I’m going for political satire, not political correctness.

Ultimately, the purpose of this book is to give people permission to express their love beyond all cultural limitations and to have fun!


Polyamory Pearls

Invaluable Wisdom in my book Polyamory Pearls: Open Relationships, Jealousy, Group Sex & Other Spiritual Pursuits:

-To gracefully maintain many loves, the first obstacle to overcome is the notion of a jealous God. 

-I know I’m not supposed to be possessive … but your ass is mine! 

-When people I love are loving each other, why do I feel left out?

-Please don’t minimize your experience with anyone else in order to protect me from my discomfort. 

-I have every reason to brag, but polite society would rather reward me for complaining.

-Please don’t minimize your experience with anyone else in order to protect me from my discomfort. 

-If we appreciate humans are more unique than snowflakes, why are we still so envious of each other? 


-When something is lacking in the relationship or in one’s self, jealousy is likely to rush in to fill the lack.

-Can you engage in pleasure at someone else’s expense? And what if that someone insists their pain is growthful?

-I regularly ingest small but gradually-increasing doses of jealousy in hopes of one day developing an immunity.

-I will not be seduced into the irrational fear that my partner’s attraction for other women somehow reflects a lack in my partnership. 

-The compulsive need to compare comes from deep within the lizard brain, where we still think our survival depends on being the fittest.

-It takes a while for the puddles to dry out. Even when I set my mind to stop looping a painful story, the chemistry of jealousy is still in my system. 


-Watching you with another lover expands me. Now I am big enough to hold two simultaneous but opposite truths: I am elated to see your pleasure, and it hurts like hell. 

-Polyamory is not the solution to jealousy any more than monogamy is. Sometimes having multiple lovers lessens my insecurity, fear of loss, or feeling left out – but other times it heightens it.

-Witnessing someone else’s delight as they savor the forbidden fruit is satisfying only when my belly is full. If I am in want, it can be torture.

~Watching you with another lover expands me. Now I’m big enough to hold two simultaneous but opposite truths: I am elated to see your pleasure, and it hurts like hell. 

On Primal Panic: I feel like I’ve been in a horrible car crash and survived! Now it’s time for me to get back on the road and drive. I’m trembling; be patient with me, I can do it, I just need to take it slow.

-The trick to jealousy is rising above the discomfort and recognizing that someone else has what you desire. Instead of condemning them, bless them. Let the Universe know you are big enough to handle getting what you want.

-I may sometimes need to be recognized for my uniqueness. It’s healthy to celebrate that there is nobody quite like me in the world. But that impulse can suddenly turn sour when it wants to hear that I’m better than somebody else. 

-Granted, jealousy is complex. The trick is not getting lost in the story. All the specific circumstances can be boiled down to two things: 1) there’s something precious you don’t want to lose, or 2) your heart is longing for something you don’t have … yet.

-When somebody wants the same thing I want – and is better at attaining it – I can choose to see them as competition, or as my teacher.

Order My Book!

If you still haven’t ordered my book ‘Polyamory Pearls’, here is the link to my bookstore!

If you like this article, share it!