The World Premiere viewing party of the first episode was held at the WPA Conference at Harbin Hotsprings on July 12, 2013 (World Polyamory Association). Incidentally, Harbin was a gathering place for community and consciousness that burnt to the ground in a devastating wildfire and has since been rebuilt. Symbolically, many relationships within the San Diego Poly Family have since burnt down and risen from the ashes in a whole new form.
So much has happened for each cast member in the last decade! Following is a collection of recent photos and a brief summary of some highs and lows from the unique perspective of each member of the San Diego Polyamory Family.
During the stressful blitz of media attention after the show aired, I suffered a series of heartbreaking relationship de-escalations, first with Jason as we grew apart. Then with Jen & Tahl as they moved out and consciously uncoupled. After nearly a year of trying to make it work as a Triad with Rachel and Michael, we broke down and broke up. That’s when I found myself on my knees, in the dark night of the soul.
I took a year-long sabbatical healing from work as a sex and relationship coach. During my recovery, I continued working on my marriage with Michael and sought professional attention for C-PTSD, malnutrition, and neurotoxicity. I’m so grateful to the wider tantra community for supporting us through those dark days.
My wild sexy relationship with Roxanne grew and deepened for 7 years before we broke up and became eternal beloveds without any form. She inspired me to write a fictional poly kinky tantric love story in the form of a novel entitled: 52 Fridays. I’ve since published other passion projects such as a collection of stories called: Sex Shamans: True Stories of Sacred Sexual Awakening. After my healing crisis, I threw myself into my spiritual calling and began to travel the world with the ISTA.
For the last six years, I’ve been in a secure loving triad with James (who was in the final episode of the 2nd season) and Sharmila (who happens to be Roxanne’s best friend).
I’ve since repaired my deep bond with Rachel and embraced Tahl’s new wife as family and been on intimate journeys with a number of long-distance lovers and metamores who occupy more space in my heart than I have space to mention here. Michael and I renewed our vows, dedicating ourselves to awakening both passion and peace in ourselves, each other, and everyone whose lives we touch.
Perhaps my greatest challenge this decade has been balancing motherhood with my sacred sex work. One of my darkest moments was when a “Hate-watcher” who saw the show sent a letter to Child Protective Services claiming that Devin was at risk of sexual abuse.
Fortunately, it didn’t take long for the appointed social worker to interview him and realize he’s a happy well-adapted kid who is passionate about history and rocket science. Even though we are not living in a larger community, we are happy to co-create temporary intentional community experiences with other ISTA families at a new kind of summer camp called Family Fusion.
I recently closed my private coaching practice and am focused on mentoring Love Leaders. I still hold the vision for a wider poly family living together, but after so much experience, I have a better sense of how much personal and spiritual work it takes. Perhaps in 10 years, we’ll be ready to live in a community temple space and run a grounded retreat center together.
After the show, my deep love Rachel moved in and we lived a passionate life for about a year. We experimented with a dual primary relationship that did not work for us. We are great friends now and see each other when we travel.
KamalaDevi, our son Devin (age 15), and I are still living in our same beach house. Devin and I surf together almost every day. We travel extensively as a family, mostly teaching sacred sexuality and Tantra at festivals and workshops around the world. KamalaDevi and I continue to deepen our connection and just celebrated our 20th anniversary.
We went through a rough period about seven years ago when we almost divorced. Staying together is a testament to KamalaDevi who is so capable of doing the deep work of maintaining a love relationship through some mind-bending emotional circumstances. I helped keep us together by staying in a beautiful state despite circumstances. This meant I could accept the flaws of KamalaDevi even knowing they might never go away. I have been in a state of great contentment since I made this realization without even having to confront my own flaws. We certainly came out of the gauntlet stronger.
These past 4-5 years have been the happiest of my life. We are committed to our polyamorous life partnership and have multiple long-term relationships. We try to only date people who enhance our existing relationship. To this end, we mostly give each other the benefit of the doubt. If a person makes the other happy that is usually enough for them to pass the test.
Currently, I am growing a magical love relationship with Aubry, who lives with her fiancé. We are exploring shamanic sexuality and how deep a conscious secondary relationship can go.
P.S. I’m really proud of the show and my part in it. I still hear people saying they’ve learned so much from it. I didn’t watch it again until recently, with my girlfriend Taina. I was shocked to see how much I’ve changed! I sounded so slutty and focused on sex, but I know that was my reality. Perhaps I’m still the same, but just like to think I express these parts of me more delicately now.
In light of having been so public on TV, I’d rather keep the details of my love life private. Suffice it to say, I am currently single. I work for a supplement company. I own a pilates studio. I like to mountain bike, enjoy weight lifting, playing paintball, and engaging in general fun and silliness.
Jennifer and I transitioned our relationship in 2015, deciding we were much better off as friends than married partners. We remain close and call each other most days. I often pop over to her place to hot tub together and give her acupuncture treatments.
In 2017, I remarried a beautiful redhead from Northern England, Althea. She is a leader in the world of sacred sexual intimacy and the erotic arts, and throughout relating, she reignited my passion for the magical path. As such I have moved away from practicing acupuncture and now, we are partners on an immersive erotic ritual theatre project, Kedesha Temples.
We create highly artistic, multi-day psycho-spiritual erotic initiations to create deep transformation on a personal and cultural level. When we’re not journeying to create wild and magical adult playgrounds, we can be found at our home in San Diego, snuggling with our rescue pitbull Luna.
RACHEL RICKARDS (Season 2, Michael’s girlfriend):
Since appearing on Polyamory: Married & Dating, I went through a really painful breakup with Michael and KamalaDevi. It took a few years, but we all put in a lot of work and communication to fully repair what happened between us. We’ve since found new relational forms in deeply bonded friendship and as soul family. We continue to check in, support one another, and meet up for fun adventures all over the world.
After the breakup, I moved to Bali to study Tantra with David Cates. While there, I met Buster and started what would become a majorly impactful 7-year open relationship. From Bali, we relocated to Northern Europe, where we created a passion project called “Embodied Intimacy” offering workshops, trainings, and retreats under this body of work which gives a somatic education in intimacy and relating.
For the past 3 years, I’ve been living in Berlin. I fell in love with a gorgeous German man and found new meaning in creating a family and partnership with him. Lennart and I have a 1-year-old daughter named Lilith and we are working now to find and create new ways of living family and raising children together. We are currently searching for land in Europe to start a new community project together.
ROXANNE DePALMA (Season 1, KamalaDevi’s girlfriend)
I love what the show stood for and am proud to have been a part of it. I’m currently traveling from coast to coast between my 2 primary partners with the intention to all be on the same land in the next few years.
I’m taking a break from bodywork & teaching to have some deep reflective time. Currently, I’m fascinated with the wisdom of the ocean and the female hormone system. Soaking up as much knowledge of perimenopause/menopause to support my embodied experience of this mystical and magical transition. As usual, I’m feeling massive gratitude for the abundance of love in my life. Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu (May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all).
CHRISTIAN McCLURE (Season 2, Michael’s brother)
I’m still happy with my partner of 22 years and still enjoying great sex with others. When I was growing up there were no gay role models. This has changed. But there are still many people without role models who think that there is something wrong with their feelings. I am proud to have been part of a show that lets people know that what they are feeling, and the way they want to live is normal and possible.
CHERI REEDER (Season 1)
Thankful that one television show did not define any of us, I was inspired to express myself clearly. My rivel in the show and I finally made peace. I published my memoir & audiobook ‘THE SMILE ON MY FACE: A Journey to Sexual Authenticity’. Polyamory is a vast subject but I continue to love many. I enjoy facilitating classes from topics in my book & other courses I’ve written.
ANTHONY CRISTOFANI (Season 1: Los Angeles Family)
I finished my doctoral studies and then decided I would prefer to live in my grandparents’ land: Italy. So I went from teaching Italian in the USA to teaching English in Italy. Unfortunately, I broke up with Lindsey and Vanessa. As far as I know, they are still together.
Now, I have two partners here in Bologna, Italy. Hilariously and sometimes confusingly, they have the same name! Poly and nonmonogamy are slower to catch on in catholic Italy, but it is ever-growing and there is a thriving community in Bologna. I have friends in Belgium who say that most young people there nowadays are nonmonogamous. I continue to write, which is my real passion. I am finishing a memoir, and have a philosophical take on polyamory that I wrote with one of my partners, a philosophy student, which is forthcoming in a journal from the University of Torino. I want to thank all the fans of the show who continue to write me inspiring messages.
WATCH POLYAMORY: MARRIED & DATING
If you haven’t seen the groundbreaking show, It’s available on AMAZON Prime as well as Sho.com. It’s really unlike any reality TV out there, it’s raw, it’s authentic and it’s inspiring with really poly families. We’d love to hear how the show touched you.