In theory, ethical non-monogamy makes perfect sense: One person cannot meet all of our intimate needs.

So why do so many people crash and burn when they try to date multiple people with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved? My newest book is aimed at closing the gap between theory and practice in ENM. Here is a SNEAK PEAK is from the new book…

  • Successful relationships don’t happen by accident. Healthy habits are learned through painful trial and error. Dysfunction only continues if you don’t learn from your mistakes. When conflict inevitably arises, embrace it as your teacher.
  • Locate yourself in the web of life and ask: Am I in RIGHT RELATION? It’s an existential question, regarding ethics & ecology. Look at your connection to the elements and everyone around you & consider what you consume vs. how you contribute.
  • Our higher self is often in conflict with our physical, emotional, and animal bodies. It’s like a monk incarnated into the body of a monkey. Our monk came here to teach us limitless love, while still listening to the needs of the monkey. Every relationship conflict can be traced back to the relationship between these poles.
  • Victimhood is a prison; a self-imposed state of mind. Even in extreme cases of unjust abuse, there is value in asking oneself: How have I contributed to this co-creation? And what can I focus on now, that will reconnect me to my power?
  • Practicing ongoing maintenance when you’re getting along may feel forced–at first, but it makes it possible to do field repairs in the white-hot moment of a real meltdown. Conscious communication Rocks!
  • I approach conflict like an amateur chess player. I may not be able to anticipate my partner’s moves, but the goal is to learn how they think, have fun, shake hands at the endgame and do better next time.
  • Identify your intention: Before sharing, be honest with yourself…Do you want to vent feelings or help problem-solving?Support your partner by letting them know how to listen.
  • A client asked me, “what’s worse: poor communication or no communication?” I said it depends, are you the kind of person who would rather have bad sex or no sex?
  • More harm is caused by attempting to avoid conflict, than by leaning in, and learning how to have the damn conversation. Relationships are worth the work.
If you like this article, share it!