Top10 Ecosexual Highlights of New Culture Camp in HawaiiKamalaDevi

by | Jul 16, 2024 | Uncategorized

Wintercamp laakea“I wonder what will happen when I wake up tomorrow. Will I be sad that I’m not in Hawaii?” Devin (age 8) says on the airplane home after almost 2 weeks on the Big Island. Ever since he was born, Michael and I have traveled with him to study a variety of intentional communities. We were totally turned on by our experience at NFNC (Network for New Culture) Winter Camp on the big island this year, which was hosted by the residents of La’akea, a permaculture farm where an egalitarian community has been practicing non-violent communication, polyamory and other forms of personal growth for over a decade.

Frankly, I fell in love with La’akea.  Witnessing this community living and loving the land is the most embodied eco-sexual experience I’ve ever had.

New Cluture Winter camp 2015 expanded my horizons in ways that are too raw and deep to express. Yet,  in attempt to share just the tip of the volcano (The iceberg cliche just felt out of place,) I came up with this fun list of my top 10 eco-sexual highlights. You will be shocked when you read #1!

My Top 10 Eco-sexual highlights from NFNC Network for New Cluture Winter Camp include:

10. Daily Forum.

It’s no secret that my favorite community building practice is ZEGG forum. I would not have the abundant and juicy love life that I have today if it weren’t for my lover’s willingness to circle and tell the truth.  I also have a favorite facilitator: Sarah Taub, who kicked off the ritual by reminding us that the purpose of ZEGG is to reveal: What is happening under the surface?  (Forgive me, I know having favorites is not politically correct.) Of all the places I’ve ever done Forum, the Medow Space at La’akea is my favorite. It was as if the banana trees, tropical breeze and tiki altar gathered every morning to join a diverse gathering of about 55 radical lovers every morning for a powerful share. Each voice in the group was accepted as both autonomous and part of the whole.

9. Writers Retreat.

Ironically, I actually unplugged and took a much needed retreat from writing my new novel: 52 Fridays with my Bitch. As an artist, I find it is important to take creative time to gestate, get perspective and return to ones work renewed. Nothing like falling in love in the tropics to nurture the muse!

8. Permaculture and polyamory.

Kamala Devi n Goddess Pele Big IslandI’ve often said that maintaining multiple open relationships is like tending to a complex garden of desires which requires intelligent systems to optimize growth through the seasons. Someday I’ll write a blog on what polyamory has in common with Permaculture, but for now, just imagine that stacking functions is analogous to meeting multiple human needs, and you may get a glimpse at what I mean. For purposes of today’s blog, I’ll simply quote the father of Permaculture, Bill Mollison, :

“Permaculture is a philosophy of working with, rather than against nature; of protracted and thoughtful observation rather than protracted and thoughtless labor; and of looking at plants and animals in all their functions, rather than treating any area as a single product system.”

Granted, not everybody at La’akea or NFNC Winter Camp is Poly. But it’s beautiful to see that the community at La’akea doesn’t separate the human functions from their environment and but work to create sustainable harmony.

7. Healing the split between Sex-Positive and Kid-friendly space.

Hawaii rainbow with kamala deviI suspect our serendipitous decision to attend NFNC Winter Camp may have something to do with my son having some kind of a fated soul contract with the land.  Our family was going to the Island to teach at the ISTA Tantra Fest, but like many sex positive events, ISTA is for adults only.  We were torn about how to integrate Devin into our community, until we heard that there were children being raised at La’akea, we wanted to meet other extraordinary little beings who, like Devin, are valued as important members of the community.
During the initial ‘parents meeting’ where we were delighted to discover so many similarities in parenting philosophies. Here are several powerful examples:
  • We explain to the children what is happening when they are curious.
  • We involve our children in all decisions about  their life when possible.
  • Eye contact and physical contact is important to feel connected.
  • Check in with children and let them change their minds about what they want moment to moment.
  • We enjoy hugging and physical play. We Touch children only when they want to be touched, (except as needed for safety or limit setting) and encourage them to do the same with each other.
In addition to exploring the beautiful rainforest, there is a delux kids area that includes a playhouse, trampoline, and jungle-jim.  Devin also loved petting baby bunnies, holding newborn lambs and even performing acrobatics in the talent show.  When Devin fell sick, we spent most our time tending to him, but felt so supported and able to nurture him with natural medicines from the land. I can’t imagine a better place to be surrounded by love and healing while he rested.
Michael and I feel that having children around during developmentally appropriate sessions and mealtime while adults are doing deep sexual healing actually heals our inner children. It also offer a holistic integration that takes the shame out of sex. After all, let’s not forget, kids come from sex.

6. Monique Darling gives good Cuddle PartyTM

KamalaDevi n Monique in HawaiiI met Monique in 2008. We’ve been through Tantra-Palooza, Sacred snuggle parties, mommy circles, sharing lovers, break-ups, and coming back together. Somewhere in there, we even had a threesome with Jesus Christ. Yet, through all these ups and downs, this is the first time I got to experience Monique in her mastery.  I got to witness this high priestess lead a tantra puja in Hawai’i, of all places! I am in awe of her creativity, her wisdom and of course the famous
chocolate/ blindfold/ feeding exercise! Of course she also lead a fantastic Cuddle Party TM. Together, we spent several sweet sessions, enjoying our reunion, straddling trees in nature and marveling on the magic of forgiveness.

5. What will it mean if we have sex?

As the Priestess of the Sensual Temple, Monique opened one evening by role modeling Reid Mihalko’s Safer Sex elevator Speech… and that’s when the heavens opened up….A long time polyamory teacher named Barry Smiler, asked if he could please add a question to that list. Along with asking for an update on STD testing and if you are currently fluid bonded with anyone, why not ask:  What will it mean if we have sex?
Why didn’t I think of that? It leads to the emotional safer sex talk that could save a lot of heartache. Why do you want to have sex with me? Is it pleasure, is it love, is it status, is it escape, what will it mean for you if our two bodies to merge. And does it match up enough with what I will make it mean? Without this kind of question, physically safe sex can still be emotionally risky. This simple question can prevent the pain of expectation violation. What a rich addition! (Thank you, Barry & Cathy Smiler of (BmorePoly in the mid-atlantic area, which has over 2000 members and 50 events every month.) 

4. Getting Naked.

Nudity is accepted in this community. Granted, its in a really wet rainforest climate, so it’s not always practical, but the solar heated Showers are out in the open and the wood fire hot tub is always overflowing with sky-clad bodies. Also, There is a world famous black sand nude beach only 20 min. away. Kahena in Puna on Sunday is an unforgettable experience with big waves, drum circles, children and hippies with chickens on their shoulders!

3. Exotic fruit and medicines.

I woke up each morning intoxicated by the smell of the flowers and fruit. I wrote home: “Pele put a spell on me. The land is alive, the trees are talking, and bursting with medicinal fruit. Hawaii is lush, dirty, real. I am home.” Here’s a short list of some of the fruits we enjoyed while there: Coconuts, Banana, papaya, apiu, cumquat, guava and other citrus. From a nearby farm we got mama sapote, starfruit, feta and raw honey. We also harvested anti-viral medicine from the Kukui nut and wandering jew to treat Devin’s fever blisters. Below we are pictured with a jackfruit that Biko harvested and fed us with sticky fingers…addictively delicious. It taste like juicy fruit gum.
Jack fruit

2. Ecosex with Michael

While tending to the wood burning fire in the Temple, Michael managed to get first degree burns on a few fingers. I rushed to the nearest aloe vera plant and slathered him up. The fact the Aloe vera is not only a first aid burn remedy but one of the best natural personal lubricants was not lost on us. We began massaging eachother’s entire bodies and eventually we were making love to the ecosexual rhhythm of the Coqui frogs and geckos on the roof of our cabin.

 …Drumroll, please…. 1. Composting toilets!

I knew my stay at La’akea was going to be rustic; living off completely off the grid usually is. Most guests stay in tents or dorms. When I heard they had composting toiltets I’ll admit my first thought was…eww!
So, it came as a surprised that my #1 highlight of the entire trip happened on the toilet.
One morning, before dawn, I left my husbands cozy embrace in order to drag my sleeping body up the trail to the outhouse. While meditating on the throne, I thought about how much clean water is wasted with flushing toilets. I remember reading the average american flushes 5xs per day and each flush adds up to somewhere between 2-7 gallons. Which could total as much as 12,000 gallons per person per year! But the strangest part of the whole equation is how sterile the whole process is. We are in a world wide water crisis, where most of the world doesn’t have access to clean water and yet we use approx. 40% of our water to carry our waste to an unseen treatment plant. This also puts our society out of touch with the cycle of life.
In contrast, composting toilets turn the human waste into fertilizer for the trees. By peeing in the bushes and mixing sawdust or mulch into the barrel after you poop, liquids are absorbed, odor is mitigated and the aerobic decomposition process is actually faster than sewage treatment systems. It may take a little adjusting before I’m used to using leaves and sawdust, but it felt like such a profound and visceral reminder that we are inseparable from our environment.

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