Our Disney vacation was undoubtedly an unforgettable adventure for our six year old son, Devin, but a surreal experience for his parents who don’t buy into the standard monogamous narrative where heterosexual people are supposed to fall in love, have a fairytale marriage, have kids and live “happily ever after.” 
I see this trip like an extreme sociological experiment, and had fun writing the top 10 things I learned. This post gets very personal and vulnerable so please ‘like’ or share to let me know you enjoyed hearing about my family life.
The Disney Cruise Liner was called the “Fantasy” and set sail from Orlando, stopping at the Grand Caymans, Cozumel and their own island in the Bahamas. The state of the art ship featured decadent feasts, Broadway style shows and state of the art entertainment (It even has a 1,500 person theater where we saw the world premiere of the Monsters University.) The primary reason we went was because my father invited us to celebrate my stepmom’s 60th birthday with the whole family, and we needed a vacation from all the ‘adult’ media appearances…Little did we know what we were getting into. Now here are the top 10 things I learned, some are sexy, some funny, but all are my raw truth.
10. “All Aboard!”
We left about a dozen lovers in San Diego for a week to travel with my blood family. (Counting my 3 brothers, their partners and kids, we made up a total headcount of 14.) The first thing I noticed was the similarities between my blood family and my polyamorous family of choice:
Just like at home, it is challenging to deal with seating arrangements, sleeping schedules and special diets when you are moving in a large pod. We may have our differences but we are committed to compassionately working it out. Also, I felt the importance of spending time with each individual family member as well as connecting to the whole group.
Fortunately my blood family knows about our polyamorous lifestyle, (even if they don’t agree or understand it, at least we don’t have to hide anything.) Devin felt free to talk how much he misses our poly lovers, Tahl and Jennifer. However, there is always an unconscious assumption that Michael and I are exclusive with each other. (You should see the look on the face of the crew when Michel said he was shopping for jewelry for his girlfriend while holding my hand.)
9. “Poop Deck.”
If you think you are going to relax and meditate on a Disney cruise, you are kidding yourself. They may offer massages and daily yoga classes on the 11th deck, but with over a thousand kids running around, (and half of them still in diapers) the ship was anything but serene. I ended up having more fun with Devin on the watersides than seeking my solitude.
8. “Lost at Sea”
I learned that the best place to relax and watch the sunsets was in the jacuzzi, they had several such glass bottom, horizon edge jacuzzi. Meanwhile, Michael learned not to spit off the bow while we are cruising full speed ahead!
7. “First Mate”
I learned that a Disney cruise is a rich opportunity to strengthen my primary relationship with my husband. As you may have guessed this is clearly NOT a place to pick up on other polyamorous people. In fact, it is so family oriented that we did not meet even one other person in an open relationship. Because of our notoriety in the poly world, Michael and I are used to meeting poly people at restaurants, stores and even gas stations across the country.
Without any other poly lovers or romantic interests, Michael and I enjoyed spending long stretches of romantic time together. It is so valuable to have a strong foundation of love, trust and communication in order to share our relationship with so many others lovers. (Maybe one day we’ll have enough critical mass to start our own poly cruise?)
6. “Seamen in the Vessel”
I learned Disney uses euphemisms for Sex. Even though our fellow passengers may not be big on Showtime’s late night programing, Disney held quite an audience at the “Adult only” mid-night shows. Cursing was not allowed at these comedy, puppetry and ventriloquism acts, but occasionally they would refer to ‘discovering the magic” wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
It’s astounding how Disney will draw all kinds of subliminal suggestions, depict sexy princesses, but will not even talk about sex! On the ship, I marveled at images of princess Jasmine, Pocahontas and Ariel (My personal favorite) look like they just hopped out of a Playboy centerfold!?!
As parents of a 1st grader, we feel that his sex education should be developmentally appropriate. When Devin asks questions about sex, we answer him in ways that he will understand, always letting him know that sex is not for children. We tell him that curiosity is natural and it is healthy to explore his own body, but not in public, and not to touch anyone else’s body without permission, or let anyone else touch him.
5.”Land Hoe!”
Michael and I took it upon ourselves to keep the boat rocking. While Devin was engaged in daycare, in the privacy of our luxurious state room, we would gaze at the erotic depths of the sea from our porthole and share many a fantasy about mythical sirens. Ever wonder how mermaids pro-create? Perhaps they have vaginas that only appear when they are in heat, and they must mate in groups. I imagine a whole school of them swimming onboard to make love to the crew before migrating to warm shores.
I even fantasied about the all powerful Posidon who’s job it is to protect the sea creatures and make sure all the marine animals pro-create. I had fun imagining all kinds of creative uses for his magic triton, as well.
There is something sultry about being in constant motion that inspires such wet dreams. (After all, the ship is called the Fantasy.)
4. “Swab the Decks”
Ironically, the best time to do relationship maintenance is when everything is ‘smooth sailing.’ Many people wait until there is conflict in the relationship before talking about it. . They associate ‘processing’ with something you do only when you have a problem.
However, the world class Disney Cruise line knows better. Every time we pulled into port, Michael and I marveled at how quickly the crew would get to work on hosing off the salt water, touching up the paint, and repairing everything before it breaks down.
Michael and I followed Disney’s lead by spending several lovely afternoons sipping on coconuts and discussing the deep matters of our hearts. Here is a simple and helpful formula for a ‘state of the relationship’ conversation. We’d ask each other:
What works?,
What doesn’t?
What do you really want?
This communication exercise allows us to practice personal growth when our reserves are high as opposed to trying to change when we are hurt, defensive or reactive. It makes processing more pleasurable and gives us positive associations with talking about the relationship so we are not afraid to have the difficult conversations when waters get rough.
3. “Man Overboard”
I thought my life was indulgent until I looked at Disney’s decadent dessert menu. It is nearly impossible to diet on a cruise. Even if being a vegan steered me away from the 24 hour self serve ice cream bar, they managed to tempt me with dairy free chocolate brownies and gluten free pastries. Every dinner was sit down service with more courses than any one person can handle.
I’m sure I have many lovers who will be happy to hear that I can no longer button my pants 😉 Ironically, what I actually learned, was not when to stop eating, but how much fun it is to indulge! On this vacation, I didn’t have to cook, clean or work, and I learned a lot about quality event production. The Magic is in the details. I can’t wait to get home and start working on the menu for Poly Palooza.
Poly Palooza is a life changing festival for polyamorous people. It’s 4 days and nights of a delicious vegetarian buffet, workshops, parties, performance art and unforgettable community bonding experiences at a natural hot springs resort.
This special event is hosted by my polyamorous lovers who have experience in teaching, healing, entertaining and are eager to put “All hands on deck” to help you “Discover the Magic.” I’m also gathering my out of state lovers, such as Reid Mihalko, Diana Adams, wayward travelers such as Viraja Prema and Ran Baron. Check out www.PolyPalooza.com for details.
2. “Life Preserver”
Even though the emphasis of luxury cruise liners tends to be obscenely indulgent, the industry has been going strong for over 100 years and has tremendous potential for state of the art sustainability. This ship makes it’s own fresh water. It is making the world smaller by employing international crew from all over the world. It makes me think that if global warming affects the coast lines and overpopulation creates scarcity of land, we would be able to economize space and create communities on such ships. It is not a bad quality of life to wake up on the coast.
1. “Walk the Gang Plank”
Yes! This was a pleasurable vacation to Paradise. But it doesn’t change the fact that I already live in paradise with my polyamorous family. In sunny San Diego I’m constantly surrounded by people that share my values of honesty, openness, creativity, sex positivity, and full expression. It’s hard to believe that I could experience a trip like this and still get homesick, but the truth is, I can’t wait to get back into the arms of my beloveds: Roxanne, Daniel, Rachel, Jason, Tziporah, Keli, James and of course Jennifer, Tahl. Then ofcourse there all the other lovers in our super pod that make San Diego Heaven on Earth!
For an invitation to a life changing vacation go to www.PolyPalooza.com.
Or if you are on the East coast, join us for a revolutionary experience at Network for New Culture. http://www.nfnc.org/sc/
